I dont know much about borderlines but I do know my ex fits most of narcissist diagnosis without the nastiness. We cant hate because thats not part of our makeup. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. You can only control yourself. All I can say is thank you. I have gone no contact but he always seems to find a way, I am strong and have no intentions of ever letting him gas light or hoover me back to his destructive way of contorting the truth and blaming me for everything and then in the next breath telling me how much he loves me and misses me and can we please go on holiday together when this pandemic is over. Basically, If you don't like the way things are or who he is, then leave. It seems almost abstracted now that so much time has passed and its me who seems absurd talking about the specifics of what happened. I need to know where you get your information from because if it is different to my source then perhaps I should be seeking a second opinion or maybe you should. He lost. I think he will probably try again with you and when hes certain youre done he will try to make u miserable..by being difficult with the kids and whatever he can do to push your buttons. This is about THEM, All they need us for is to use us, lie to us, be nasty to us, verbally, emotionally & in some cases physically abuse us & dump all their hatred onto us, to make them feel bigger, stronger & better about themselves, and its all not their fault really They don't like change, least of all change instigated by someone else. The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. There are many professionals who do treat narcissists successfully. This man Ive known since I was 13, so 16 years now. How can you say you love someone and do these things. [] 3) Hoovering Hoovering presents in many forms. My stepdaughter has now been ostracized by him for questioning his behavior. Block him and move on. So I met with him on Monday. He is 10 years older fat bald and is a bit of a square. Hes only thinking about her and himself. We all die alone. know who and what he is, and he knows I know the truth about him. It is sooo very difficult to stay stuck on the NO CONTACT button. It was definitely a setback for me as well, in many ways, but I do not view it as all bad because I really did and do care for you. And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. If you are like me, we are natural protectors and want the very best for the woman in our lives. I wish it where not. I was told by a female lawyer friend of mine that I have more than enough in my text messages to and from her concerning the exchange of the $3,000 to win in court. Of course, there is still a lot to doubt and discuss. That person i first met disappeared after a month or two and thats what kept me trying so hard to make it work. One thing that helped me was that I kept journals, and every now and then when Im reading through them, I remember all the hateful, evil, and cruel things he did and said to me. My narc always told me it was in the house and even offered help to find. Went no contact 4 months ago after almost 11 years with my Narc. Then he backed off and said ok hope she do well bye. You will get stronger and you will find real love enjoy self love, enjoy the freedom most of all that you no longer have to second guess, have blame deflected on you, you no longer feel worthless because they cant set any of these feelings upon you again. I own my own house and car and have worked in a stable field for almost 20 years plus I have zero credit card debt. Youd love it. What do you think his next move will be. Yeah rightI asked him the night he walked out what he wanted to do with that freezer and he told me to keep it. I am trying to encourage a relationship between him and kids. Other then that we were alright. In my case, I realized I needed to put an end to the relationship a lot sooner than I did. So we talked. totally mental, but I am not mental even though hes tried his hardest to convince me that I am. He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. BAhahaha! I can vision the tears and terror when the mess erupts. She would never admit she was wrong and her mood change at the drop of a hat. Nothing could be further from the truth. What I now feel is like my whole sense of self has been suddenly truncated I am feeling a confusing mix of things affronted by the ease with this seeming resolution full of anger at how its affected me not to say the ambiguities I face relinking to the group as a whole I sent a contribution into the forum where they all are the other day a simple comment about something normal just like before exactly what I have missed so much some replied some talked about other stuff others started other threads it was like looking in on a room full of people chatting being excluded from that room for what is 18 months and now being able to walk in and talk like nothing has happened has made me really sad inside for the meaninglessness of it all how hard it is when this is used as a weapon manipulating and controlling a persons connectedness is a powerful and painful weapon it really hurts, none of the stress depression anxiety simply goes up in smoke I am mindful too that dealing with those things is now made more difficult given the blurring of the framework that formed them those feelings have been orphaned in a way, left out on their own, I think a big risk now for me is that I bury them try to move on without addressing them, if I was to say what I am full of at this moment it is confused anger, I did not reconnect so much as simply accept his offer of a fresh start in the sense that it was simply an idea I dont have to and dont see this person in my life the offer and its manifestation in my life was fully abstract, What happened was strange though and I am not sure I fully understand it but after he offered this fresh start and I got over the surprise and the sense that it was unexpected after he reconnected me to all the online forums that I had been banned from my sense of connection to the sport we had shared simply evaporated, It was as if in the years while there was abuse that that in itself became the thing that defined my connection to hang gliding in those years 2013/2014 my mind was fully preoccupied with the affront of having been ostracised running endlessly over how and why over how all the others seemed to simply accept it however they may have sympathised with me on a one on one level, I had initially thought I would just slowly pick up where I left off but its not working that way its almost as if I have been dumped in a way that the narcissist finally tired of the abuse and turned round and walked off the energy of the abusive link has gone and with it my link to flying flying I had had to step back from because of a need for No Contact. Just to be able to do that after being treated so badly by them, shows us just how special we really are. And maybe more so as they might be subjected to childhood trauma for being devalued as effeminate, and because men can more eerily reflect back the narcs ultimate self-love they are seeking (as the love letter above captures well). Its who they are and they dont change. This is just out of pure curiosity, but lets say that I decided not to pursue the money and just let things be. The confusion. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. Hopefully, youve never been punched in the gut before, so you dont know how it feels. Sally, if he is truly a Narcissist, then this is indeed a hoovering attempt. Then when she feels like it, she unblocks me. I am so happy to find this site. So condescending. He continued to have close female friends after we got engaged. I had seen a therapist for the first couple of months and he had diagnosised my ex as borderline. My take has always been that because he needs for everything to appear okay to make himself look good then of course he wants you to smile and act nice and be friends. Not to say you (or me in this case) are the problem. I love you, with all of my soul and I love US. 4. Keep up the good work. It's part of a healthy ego. A few hours later, the second text came through: Did u get my earlier text? I didnt respond to either text. As she said, He teaches us all how to behave. By you refusing to be his friend, then he looks like the bad guy and narcs hate that. I seriously dont have any reason to hope my family or friends will return. If you notice subtle signs of the narcissists intent to return, ignore them and move on. When you meet the right girl, she will do right by you, not just because you are so great, but because she is so great inside and holds herself accountable to her own strict moral compass. I have to get distraction. I even doubted myself and took a test to see if, I in fact, was the Narcissisttypical partner turned victim. (This is my second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck!). My poor friend just sat there with a glazed look; she barely got a word in. Whole nights and days defastated. It is deep in the night. Very giving in our lovemaking (in contrast to what Ive read about most Ns). Why feel the need to approach and tell me this info and come to me with a crazy offer????? Relevant!! Powerful statements beautifully presented. But now i have told that i have a boyfriend, he suddenly texted me `have a nice weekend`.. i did not respond. You are not alone, you dont need to do it alone. Not explanation. My words to him were I forgive you because I know you are a tortured soul. I hope you get some help because I think you have a lot of potential. She lied, triangulated relationships, love bombed me in the very beginning, kept me compartmentalized (we were 330 miles apart), would make countless empty promises, disappeared from my life without warning on three occasions for a month or two. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! I instantly saw the wordprisoners)To make a long story short he wants to see me next tuesday for lunch, but I really do not feel like it The next step is restraining order. His sense of entitlement is scary. Is this typical N behavior? But think i have to be hounest to help other codependend. I have the cat who is happy and thriving and settled and secure after surviving Camerons neglect. It drives humans to seek rewards and motivates them to act and live their lives in productive ways. What would you do if I wasnt here to support you? After hearing statements like this all the time, you eventually start believing it, and your self-esteem suffers. The borderline traits answers a lot of questions for me. When I say Im in love with you, I mean Im in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. I ran over and tapped on the window and was abruptly told to go away and the guy in the drivers seat was her brother. I think I am going through a final discard now. Theres a reason here that may not be obvious, but its not due to a sudden change of heart. Upon reading it slowly I never hit her or anything even though she slapped me, punched me in the face, damage my property, talked bad about me to other people talked bad about my friends and family. I sent my best wishes and he took that as a reason to go one step further. I believe she was a waif borderline; much more passively aggressive and secret about things which messed with my head worse than the others. I was on the phone with a cousin and he calls. There is also pure NPD. Those were my last words to him. So I fled to clear my head, get all the support legal and otherwise, and am now returning to finslise this. No means no and thats what she has violated a lot of timesacting like a 10 year oldseeking revenge and such etc.. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. I broke all contact 4 months after he left and I know he asks about me and watches my social media pages. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. I keep going back and forth and only keep hurting myself over and over. They just dont get it. So, when the cops called they said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he now is alleging I theeatened too. Remember, they are narcs and only care about appearances. From that point on things seemed to degrade (i.e. . We know his modus operandi as well that hes a narc. Why did i gave him this good feeling to have his way. Even as a friend, theyll play the same games they played when you were in a relationship such as revenge, playing the victim, triangulation, and gaslighting. They are acctualy jealours of us because we can escape from the monster in him. That judge has no clue the abuse and the wreckage that woman had done to me! Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. And he is happy to get rid of me. Advice please, and why now feel the need to tell me or try warn me off?? I still feel so in love with my Narc ex and I dont know how to get rid of that feeling!! A lot of online communities are throwing around the term narcissist but they dont really make an effort to separate it into its appropriate clinical category. The gameplan of your ex sounds familiar. You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. How he was the one. His kids are apparently very well behaved, and maybe he deals with her much like he does his kids. Kim, is it safe to say that one of the main differences between a NPD and BPD (besides the fear of abandonment) is that BPD behavior is more on the non-malignant side and NPD IS malignant? I told him I would see him only if he would open up to me and be his true self. I know that my exs new minion is seeing the truth now firsthand. Well scripted text message..His final sentence read Im not a bad man K Also, the idea, that he fell right into the NPD diagnoses, but without the nastiness. 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